I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
