But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
