sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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