C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
