24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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