I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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