Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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