What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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