the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize