I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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