My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
