Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
