So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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