Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
