if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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