My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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