i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well you can't waste a boner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
