Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
