Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
