How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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