I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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