i barfeds in our rink
i will never coherently bang her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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