if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
