they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
