Umm I'm too high to move.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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