From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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