WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
