moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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