hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
