What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
