I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
