Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
