allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
another moral hangover. fuck.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
