Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
