Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
