i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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