On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
