"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What did we do last night that was yellow?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
