I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
