Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
