Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
