I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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