It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
