my vag is so smooth its legendary
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Boobs are out for the taking
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
