I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
