i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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