NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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