it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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