xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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