Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
