john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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