I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
