You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They took my balls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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