Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
