why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Even my vagina gasped.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
