Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
