he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
