Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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