It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
