sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
