Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
