i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so let's talk penis.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
