You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
