My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
