How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.