I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.