your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?