I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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