it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
