peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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