Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
