A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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