I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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