Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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