That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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