There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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