My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
