genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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