you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
