I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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