haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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