eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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